Hey dad its me, I'm writing this for you, I know you want me to make you proud, & thats exactly what I'm trying to do. I remember our long drives to the shore, and our early Sunday morning meals. And the way my dad could always fix anything, including a teen aged girls broken heart. I remember when life meant something to you, and what the good days were.
You always had your head held high, when sadly you hid your depression, I feel as if its all my fault for all the problems that i gave you, before realizing you had your own. I feel so selfish, i feel so wrong.
When i see you now, my dad, my once hero, laying in your bed drunk, another drink, after another, watching you slowly fade away. The way your skin is washed out, and the sunken in your face, The way you forget everything i hold so dear to me, the way you are now, and what you cant see.
I cant help but blame myself. You were always there for me, and i cant do anything to help you. Dad do you know how hard it is for me watching you slowly die and there is nothing i can do. I try and try but the more it seems i put into it, the more that you get sick.
Your a drunken stranger now, I cant even recognize the guy i once knew. Your brittle and sick, and i never see you smile, it seems as if you love that drink more than you love your child. But saying that would be so wrong, i know deep in your heart you love me.
And dad i love you, i just wish i could pull you from this hole you have drowned into.
What happen to my father, is a nasty horrible, selfish disease, my father turned into an alcoholic, i feel like even though he is still alive and with me, he is so far gone.
Dad no matter what I'm still going to help you try to fight this, i want you back, i need you back. I promise ill make you proud. I get so scared to come home, worrying if your dead or alive.
I love you dad, i hope you know that I'm sorry i cant bring your smile back and take this all away, I still am your little girl despite what you think, I'm still here, I'm still listening, I'm still waiting for you to come back.
