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by Izzie Jul 7, 2008 category : Life, society / meaning of life
When you struggle in life it feels like the ocean crashing waves over your head forcing the putrid salt down your throat with each grasping breath weights bare down on your limbs as you struggle to swim to the sandy beach as if the seaweed is pulling you deeper to-wards the dark cold abyss you can hear the sea creatures mocking you with their gurgling sounds just like laugher under the water no life jackets to save you no boats to float by you are under a glass blanket of waves crystal clear to them but a smoky film over your eyes as your lungs scream for air the tiniest rope is extended to you to bad it slips through your fingers like the sand in an hour glass
by Poet on the Piano
This is great, nice similes and imagery! "to bad it slips through your fingers" "to bad"- I don't think those are the best words to put there, just a little weird. Maybe change to: "But quickly it slips through your fingers" Just an opinon....."like the sand in an hour glass" ^Nice ending line, really sums it up!