Very nice story and love to read spoems that really convinces something. Of course your poem does. I particularly like the flow and the free style.

I would suggest, if you dont mind, to structure your poem in stocks of stanzas.

Tc
Fsams

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh i loveddd ittt i swear
its sooo outstandinggg
keep it up hun:)
tc

lili

Very, very interesting format and the thoughts were ones that pique the mind. I would have preferred if they were all single lines and porportionately long which I think could be done. A very good read though.
As always an opinion.