Wasting Time Away With You.

by Courageous Dreamer   Jul 9, 2008


-*Written for a Contest.*

Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.

The clock ticks impatiently,
as another hour comes near its end.
A night of romance is approaching,
As she sits anxiously awaiting his arrival.

The doorbell rings-
Instantaneously she fills up with excitement.
She leaps up from the couch-
as a smile rushes over her beautiful face.

She opens the door to find her boyfriend-
with a dozen roses in his arms.
He gives them to her and gives her a sweet
peck on her rosy red cheek.

He walks in the door and his gorgeous eyes open wide.
The room is lit with candles that dance with color,
and rose petals romantically spread on the couch.
He whispers passionately in her ear "I love you, baby."

A romantic vibe fills the room with happiness,
as the two sit down to talk and spend the evening-
in each others arms, once and for all.
She looks up into his beautiful baby blue eyes,
and says, "No better way to waste time than with you."

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by love always finds a way

    Awww this is just so cute... i was smiling through the whole thing lol...

  • 16 years ago

    by Love Fallacy

    I thought this was a cute little piece. I have had some good times with rose petals and some very vivid memories as well. Great job, 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    Sorry I'm commenting this so late T__T Been really jet-lagged after camp. So:

    I love how you started this. It was a lot different from your usual pieces, and it seems, my dear, that you are improving quite well :) I think it somewhat bothered me that the first line of the first actual stanza had "tick" in it though ... But there's nothing really that can be done by that.

    Instantaneously she fills up with excitement.
    She leaps up from the couch-
    `I feel like it would sound better without both "up"s.

    as a smile rushes over her beautiful face.
    `I think it would sound better as "across" instead of "over." I don't know how it would sound to you though.

    He gives them to her and gives her a sweet
    peck on her rosy red cheek.
    `The repeated "gives" in one line allows the piece to falter slightly. Maybe "He gives them to her, along with a sweet,
    peck on her rosy velvet cheek." [The red also bothered me ... so maybe another word in place of that?]

    Your second to last stanza has sweetly drawn imagery. It's so clear, and though it's a cliche picture, the way you created the piece just made it romantic instead of overused.

    I really liked the way you ended it. It was like something you'd see in a movie--AND in real life, which made it more realistic to me.

    Well done, love.
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 16 years ago

    by smiley

    I like it

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Love it Temps! This was different from what I usually read from you and I truly did enjoy it. I see nothing wrong and eeverything just flowed flawlessly. GFreat choice of words and I was just captivated from beginning to end.

    "The room is lit with candles that dance with color,
    and rose petals romantically spread on the couch."
    ^Beautful. I just loved the imagery this painted in my mind.

    Well done. *5/5*

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