My Past Mistakes

Slide down my sleeve
And you will see a past
You could never have imagined
Oh, it's been years now,

That is true but still you wonder
Why I pile my face
In what you call inches deep
Of makeup to hide my skin

My self importance still wears thin
I put up this front you believe so well
I'm stuck up as far as you can tell
"She just thinks she's better than the rest!"

Such a lie filled with such distaste
I hate who you want me to be
So far from who I was or who I am
You seem to forget all I've been through

I tell you I'm fine
A lie perfected so well
Now, come on Mum,
You promised not to tell

You said I'd regret the scars
That I so carefully created
But it was only you who
Looked at them with such a hatred

They are a reminder of what I had to do
Logical reasons behind every mark
You smile because I moved on
Got passed that part

Of life when blood was the only way
But once again you've got me feeling
Just the same as I did everyday
Back then when you said you'd try

To make the pain disappear.
Why did you lie to me, mother?
Because I see it now when you look at me
I'm not the girl you once knew

And I disappoint you everyday
As I consciously choose to walk away
From the only boy who treated me right
Sometimes he was there, all through the night

Other times he was off with her
Or her, Or her
You thought that you knew, Mum,
Oh I know you tried

But now you're pushing to make me happy
Makes me want to pull away
Walk a billion miles in the other direction
To you and your way

I'm sorry Mum, But I cannot submit
Though I will obey
And tonight I'll pray
That God will keep me safe

And hold my hand through another day.