Still

(Read out loud for full flow.)

I've been sinking so fast
Into this everlasting current,
Circling memories of my past
Enveloping me like plaster casts
And I've been looking for You,
I've been calling for Your grace
To see your shining face
And have just one taste
Of Your glory and comfort.
I want You to hug me
and don't let go,
no,
don't let go.
Why do I feel so empty?
I want You to fill me
before the Enemy kills me…
In that spiritual, terrorizing way.
Can't You just seal me?
Don't open me until
there's none of this darkness
and all of Your light
so I can just feel right,
Covered in Your bright
and shining
agape love.
I don't belong here, God.
I'm not supposed to be so dirty,
So unmistakably ashamed
like a prostitute with nothing left,
empty and disgraced and cold,
I was supposed to be Your mold.
Now my excuses are old,
my defenses are folding,
why aren't Your arms holding
me away from all of this?
If Eve separated herself from bliss,
and if Adam did too
Why has their sin persuaded through?
But I remember, You are there.
Here.
With me, not far off,
Standing by my side
Although I push you away again in pride,
Clothe myself in contrite sin
And beg for worldly
reassurance.
You grab my face
and look at me,
look at what I feel,
and my guilt so real,
And love me
Still.