Comments : Unable to Run Away

  • 16 years ago

    by Dan Bloom

    I dated a girl for two years that treated me horribly. She cheated on me... and still I wasn't able to "run away." I hate that I couldn't but I should have. Easier said than done right? It should have been so simple but I was helplessly in love. I eventually had it with her and abandoned her completely and have been blissfully happy ever since :) That's what this poem reminds me of... how happy I am now :)

    Thanks for that! Great write!

    "I can't seem to want to push,
    Tearing myself away from love
    Away from happiness,
    Tearing myself away from you.
    But fear overwhelms,
    And my heart runs in a frenzy
    Trying to catch up
    To what I am feeling."

    ^^My favorite lines... I think these are most relative to me. It shows how powerful love has... but not just emotionally. Love can control our bodies whether we like it or not haha

    Personally, this is the only bit of criticism I have even though it's freeverse:

    "But running away won't work this time,
    And how I've come to feel how I feel
    Doesn't matter...
    I love you,
    And I don't want to run... "

    ^^ "But running away won't work this time...."
    I would suggest taking "But" out and leaving it "Running away won't work this time..."
    When but is in there it makes my mind wander from the thought process you're trying to develop.

    I DO love your ending though!

    "I love you,
    And I don't want to run..."

    Gives me chills now that I think about it. It's a powerful statement by itself. Fantastic quote! Maybe you should put it as a quote too :-P

    Great write! 5/5

    -Danny