You made a really poetic conversation.....I believe that a little improvements can be made.........First line...Great start...captizates your attention..With the I think you purposely....It just made it a tinge choppy along with the so..Try to start the line with Thinking...and cut out the so....and add it with the paralyzing. Then make the line " You gave me..." another line all by itself....If you want the low down please free to message me but lastly Captitalize every first letter or every first line!!

You have a beautiful and unique style of writing love it .