The way I feel about you

by smiley   Jul 15, 2008


I love you since the first time I lay my eye on you
I never stop thinking of you even now I still think about you
Ur the one I only love
Ur one I think about more than my life
I never thought of day I dint think about you
Every time I wake up the only thing on my mind is seening your face
Everytime I talk to you all I could say is I love you
I will fight for your love
I die for your love
All I want is ur love

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  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I love you since the first time I lay my eye on you"

    love should be loved.
    lay should be layed.

    "I never stop thinking of you even now I still think about you"

    a comma should be placed before "even".

    "Ur the one I only love
    Ur one I think about more than my life"

    In the second line, "the" should be placed before "one.

    Also, ur should be Your, it is the proper way to write it out.

    "I never thought of day I dint think about you
    Every time I wake up the only thing on my mind is seening your face"

    dint should be didn't.
    seening should be seeing.
    There needs to be a comma after "Every time I wake up"

    "Everytime I talk to you all I could say is I love you"

    A comma should be placed before "all I could.........."

    "I die for your love
    All I want is ur love"

    First line: put a "will" before "die"
    Second line: ur should be your.

    Overall, there needs to be tons of work on this. Before posting your poem here you should try doing spell check and that will help you out a lot. Besides the grammar mistakes, this poem was alright, but kinda of cliche. But you still expressed your feelings very well.
    So my advice is to spend a bit of time looking over your poem, and seeing if there needs to be any changes before you post it on here.
    And try to make your poem flow and
    So I would go back and look over this and make the changes needed.