And if they find me dead tomorrow

And if they find me dead tomorrow,
I hope it hurts.
I hope you realize what you've done,
if you see my body lying there,
under that white sheet.
I hope it cuts you up inside,
so much that you cant stand.
-
And if they find me dead tomorrow,
I hope you feel the guilt when they claim it suicide,
when all along you know it would have been no different,
if you'd have shot that gun yourself.
That look upon my face,
the dried mascara smugged down my cheek,
I hope the guilt doesn't let you sleep,
and screams to you at night.
-
And if they find me dead tomorrow,
I want you to beg for forgiveness,
I want you drawing in my blood,
begging god not to send you to hell.
I want every last tear cried,
I want you in so much pain, you were wishing you'd died.
-
But they wont find me dead tomorrow,
I'll be living and breathing,
waiting for you to ruin my life some more,
with a knife to my tattooed arms,
and overpriced coke to my nose,
I'll carry on living.
But i cant wait intill the day i give up,
the day it all gets too much,
When I take that gun to my head, and pull that F**king trigger.
Thanks mummy.