I need you...

All around me is gray..
the world one big blur..
spinning so fast
i get dizzy.
I close my eyes..
my arms searching for you...
needing you to help me
I feel you starting to pull me up..
saving me
and my heartbeat quickens..
my scars fade..
and i look up at you
then...
I find myself falling
more than i had ever hoped.
in love with you.
I close my eyes wanting to block you out
No matter what i do,
i cant stop thinking sweet thoughts of me and you
the pace of my heart slows, and the scars return
more cuts...more more more
i cant stop myself...

The razor against my flesh numbs the pain
the outside wanting to hurt as much as the inside does
the pain comes so easily, and I'm always so inviting
leaving is the problem..
always wants in but never out..

I always let myself be lead away from the truth
blinded from what i know is true, just not wanting to accept it
closing my eyes from seeing it.
covering my ears from hearing it
knowing I'm setting myself up for another let down
another heartbreak
but i cant stop myself from wanting you
wanting to feel whole
completely happy...

I want to forget you..
not needing to feel the needing of you
Close my eyes and just erase you completely
but without you..
I'm worse off than with you..
the pain of being without you would be
a gazillion times worse than now.

you are my drug..
but there is no rehab for a broken heart
no place i can go to fix this
but to you
you are the band-aid
but you are the toxin
the stitches but the knife

you are the love that flows through me
and the thing i hate most...