I think you need to work more on the structure of the poem. I am no expert but I feel this poem is a little bit difficult to read.

You should maybe divide it to different stanzas.

There is absolutely too many "I", if you ask me. Try to avoid them.

You could also see a little bit if you could make the poem maybe shorter...

Theme of the poem is nice... You have some ideas...It's lovely love poem. At the moment I am not the idealistic person to read love poems but I can say it is interesting subject to write about... setting the one you love free.

So you asked my opinion and you got one. This is just my opinion about the poem. You are the author and decide whatever to make changes or not in your poem.