She's Only Fourteen

It was decent, I would have loved if you had gone deeper and showed the reader what pain this young girl was feeling instead of just saying that she was. If you were just taking a girl, random, and describing her from an outsider's point of view at her, I think at that idea you did a wonderful job on it, because as an outsider, you would never know why she feels the way that she does.

If you wanted to, I think you should write the same poem from the girl's thoughts, her mind, her emotions with metaphors or personification or something really full of imagery so the reader will be able to see this and feel as the girl in the poem might.

I did not really enjoy the suicide note part, as many poems mention something like this, you should pretty much avoid the usual parts, even true story ones should find a different way to show this or some stronger thing to back up the note.

I was also not a fan of the word Oh, as then the reader pauses for more than a second after reading that word to continue onto the next one. And maybe if you had detailed that empty feeling.

It had a positive ending and I like that the positive aspect was kept short instead of dragged on for another stanza as a bunch of poets on this site love to do, bring a poem on more and longer than it really should be.

Amazing, the imagery i felt from this poem made it stand out. how you compare this girls feelings compared to someone normal. this was well done but also just wanted to know what is normal? how much pain and confusion do normal people go through in their life? this needed a little more attention. maybe just a little more detail about what exactly you are comparing.

the second stanza was short yet gripping, loved it. the way it trailed off intensified the meaning. well done with this.

Oh, but they won't come back.
^ this line by itself i loved the most. for some reason the way you can interprupt this are infinite, your meaning for this line could be different to what i thought. which is a great technique! allowing us to interprut this our own way. superb!

The ending was really well excecuted, the hope of tomorrow and that time is on her side. left me wanting more. so well done. how every poem should leave the reader.

5/5 for sure! David