Comments : Dance of water and light

  • 16 years ago

    by Annaam

    A nice write... :)

  • 16 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    Wow. Firstly; this piece is beautifully written.

    "The street is flooded by rain streams
    And by tender rays of light
    Every raindrop is a reflection of dreams
    That are going through my mind"

    ^^ This is an outstanding way to begin a poem. The imagery is wonderful.

    "This beauty fills me with delight
    I wish it never ends
    Sparkling dance of water and light
    And what I know, my friend,"

    ^^ My only suggestion is something in the second line -- maybe add something: "I wish THAT it never ends", or something. Just to even out the lines more.

    "That right now you're looking too
    Through the window outside
    That you're screwing up your eyes too
    Because of playful rays of light. "

    ^^ This stanza is my personal favourite. I wish the poem wasn't over, honestly, but it's written amazingly well.

    Overall; I loved this. Your word choice was fabulous, and the imagery your words created was amazing. 5/5

    ``Briana

  • 16 years ago

    by Bugg

    I loved every single word that you used. It was so beautiful! I thought that this poem was executed very well.

  • I like this.
    The imagery was great.

    "I watch the sun slowly setting
    And coloring the sky
    Colorfully it is being painted
    Like wings of butterfly"

    ^^ Favourite stanza

    Keep it up

  • 16 years ago

    by Sora

    Wow this was beautiful. absolutely lovelyy. i don't have a favorite sanza because they all are. a beautiful flow, and very expressive. i really loved it. job well done. 5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 16 years ago

    by jLegendc

    Wow i've been reading alot of unique poems lately now that im depressed...
    this is a really great poem.. i think it's more like a love poem to me coz there's like so much emotions put into it.. for me.. it feels like you're comparing love to the beauty of nature.. which gives off a more deeper meaning of love.... great poem!

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen

    The street is flooded by rain streams
    And by tender rays of light
    Every raindrop is a reflection of dreams
    That are going through my mind

    ^^ I think these lines flaw were just the absence of punctuation marks. A very excellent descriptive way of expressing your dreams. Mind blowing lines and made me feel as if I was the one in the poem. Also, a very subtle way of expressing how beautiful the rain is.

    I watch the sun slowly setting
    And coloring the sky
    Colorfully it is being painted
    Like wings of butterfly

    ^^Punctuation marks or a comma I think would make this look even better. What a marvelous scene I’ve got from here. Especially, the sunset, I liked it so much and how you described it.

    This beauty fills me with delight
    I wish it never ends
    Sparkling dance of water and light
    And what I know, my friend,

    ^^The last line obviously made this stanza unfinished. But the third line was superb.

    Is that not only my heart is
    Now filled with joy and harmony
    But you do feel this peaceful bliss
    Of what outdoors we see

    ^^I think there is a needy of a comma here and a hyphen after the word IS just to indicate that the sentence was not finished. What a very lovely admiration for the beauty of nature.

    That right now you're looking too
    Through the window outside
    That you're screwing up your eyes too
    Because of playful rays of light.

    ^^ I dint like how you ended it, it implied somehow a negative thought which is contradicting to what the previous stanzas were trying to portray. Nevertheless how you ended it, your choice of words was very soothing and I loved the part where positive vibrant was emphasized.Great Job.5/5