Comments : Just A Fantasy

  • 16 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    I knew I saw love at first sight
    When I saw his gorgeous face
    I was deeply in love
    And I didn't want this love to go to waste
    ---makes you think about the one you love so this really helps getting the reader involved in your poem!

    His beautiful black hair
    And his soft brown eyes
    And his smile that
    Would make anyone die
    ---aww it just makes you picture the most gorgeous and cute guy! great description

    The way he walks
    Or the way he speaks
    Makes anyone's heart
    Skip a beat
    ---again great imagery it really helps paint a picture and imagine what you are talking about

    I suddenly wanted him in my arms
    I wanted to kiss his soft lips
    I knew if I did that
    I would never forget that kiss
    --creates the emotion of desire in the poem which is a very good thing to do it makes the reader want to find out what happens

    I wanted to hold his hand
    And have long walks at the beach
    We would just gaze into each other eyes
    And wouldn't speak
    ---aw the prefect couple kind of thing very cute! so many girls will be able to relate

    I wanted to lie on his chest at night outside
    And listen to his heart
    While we lay and look up
    And watch the stars
    ---again a cute date that every girl would love

    I always get scared
    Whenever he comes my way
    And when he talks to me
    I don't know what to say
    ---very common emotions but you make it work with the words you chose

    Maybe someday he'll notice I love him
    Maybe he'll actually care for me
    But for now I know,
    This love is just a fantasy
    ---great way to end it!

    good job with the wording a flow very enjoyable! 5/5 <33