The Red Shift of Distant Lights - 2. Demons

Interesting to read a poem from you from 1998, and it must be interesting for you to read back over it now. It strikes me as a very philosophical piece, a sense that is aided by the space-type references throughout such as 'universe', 'cosmic' etc. This poem asks the big questions is relatable for readers: The poem is quite open and impersonal (until about line 10) and the poet could be speaking for the reader as we all seek to ponder our place in the universe.

Overall the language wasn't very 'poetic' per-say; it reminded me a little of an old poem I wrote which people commented was very interesting and thought-provoking but maybe not 'poetry.' Now obviously poetry is very hard to define, but I would say this isn't poetic in the traditional sense. The sound/flow of the poem isn't very important and/or clear and while this isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just changes how I read the poem a little.

My favourite line was probably this:

'In my life there is too little mass
To halt the disappearance of cherished friends;'
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Here the poem zoomed in and became personal and the speaker reveals himself as a character in the poem and not just an observer. I like how 'mass' is used, very creative while in-keeping with the science/space type references. It is also quite sad to consider, how as we get older time inevitably takes our love ones along with it: This theme is captured perfectly in these lines.

'Is the blood of Roses
Torn asunder their own Thorns, '
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I felt there was an error here with 'torn,' I feel it should read either 'tearing asunder their own thorns' or 'torn asunder by their own thorns.' Also, I'm not sure as to why Thorns is capitalized: it is probably intentional but I missed the relevance/significance.

'Put your arms around the core of the Milky Wake
And hug reality -'

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This line didn't really work for me: Again I don't get the 'Milky Wake,' it comes across as somewhat immature and puns don't often work very well in poems. Also, I found the image impossible to picture: hugging reality by putting your arms around the milky way.. I get where you are coming from but I think it could be described in an better and less confusing manner.

'Blithely ignoring the impossibility of being.'
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The last line is interesting, and seems to bring back into focus the conflict between 'living' and 'existing' as such. It also brings back into focus the question of existence, and how perhaps we rarely if ever think about the huge mystery of how we and the world came into being: something hugely important and significant but often passed over or taken for granted.

Overall this poem holds many thought-provoking questions and makes the reader think. The language use is for the most part interesting, if not poetic as such but all in all it still captures the readers attention for the majority of the piece. Well done, 1998 Larry.