Opposites Attract (collab with Temps)

by Kait   Jul 25, 2008


On one side of the room sat a popular girl,
a beautiful princess is what she was called.
Dressed in designer clothes and spoiled all her life,
never understanding why she was never loved.

He too, had never experienced love.
Handsome he was not, but cute in his own way.
He did not have much at all, but just enough.
All he needed now was a chance with a princess.

From across the room he saw her,
smiling so radiantly back at him.
The everlasting chemistry between the two became visible,
which suddenly had left him with butterflies.

That boy knew he had to take this shot.
It took everything within to make it to where she sat.
He simply said hello and she sweetly replied.
And with her greeting, he knew something was about to be.

He was timid but managed to have a conversation,
hoping that what he said would capture her heart.
The bell then rang loudly and startled them both,
which made them realize they had to depart for the day.

They couldn't just walk away now,
for communication was finally established.
They both started to speak at the exact same time.
Numbers were exchanged and love had found its way.

The boy rushed home and picked up the phone,
only to find the popular girl he met in class on the line.
His heart dropped as she spoke those words from her lips,
"I want to take a risk with you. Let's fall in love,
And hope that it never fades, because I love you."

(stanzas 1,3,5,7 are temps' ;; 2,4,6 are mine)

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I thought maybe I should comment this, lol. I just want to let you know that you are a very talented writer yourself, and that I had a blast working with you. Love is our topic and I think we put together such a fabulous piece here and it was so fun writing the story! Keep it up girl, and continue writing. :] Ever wanna do a collab again, you know what to do. xD

  • 16 years ago

    by ABake

    Alrighty, I haven't commented any of your work yet. Lol. So I comment stanza by stanza as I read. Just a heads up :D

    I like the title. There are so many stories and things when it comes to this. I am excited to read :] So let's get started...

    First Stanza: For an opening stanza, I think it was a little weak. Just a little weak though. But then again, it makes you want to know who the other person is. And I want to know more also because it is a collab. Lol. I contradict myself a lot just to let you know :] But I really liked the rhyme between line 2 and 4. It was not obvious, but it flowed very well. Another thing I liked was that you showed that just because someone is beautiful and has money does not make them happy. It reminds me of a song or saying "love makes the world go round." lol. Anyways, it overall was a good start for the story line. Oh oh and I liked the word princess. Kind of be-dazzled the stanza :]

    Second Stanza: This one made me smile. I really liked the second line. It stuck out to me. The whole cute in his own way thing. I love it. Oh boy. The third line too. I love them both. The storyline is continuing AMAZINGLY. Although there is no true rhyme scheme, the flow is smooth and your punctuation really makes sense. And you end the stanza perfectly with that last line. I almost though the word princess would of been out of place, but no. It fits perfectly. Great job :]

    Third Stanza: I love the mystery you create. What I mean is, your lines are short. So the reader has to wait till the next line to find out what happens. Lol. I know it sounds silly. But it makes sense. And I love it. The storyline keeps coming powerfully. The only thing I would change is, in line 4 the word had after suddenly doesn't seem right. It kind of puts a bump in the flow, for me. Other than that, another great stanza.

    * I don't think I have ever commented a collab. It's kinda hard because I get confused and yeah. I don't know. Lol. *

    Fourth Stanza: Aww :] This one made me smile too. Agh. Lol. It's so sweet because it just is. Lol. I'm sorry. Anyways, the flow just glides right on. I like the way you two work together. Some collabs are hard to follow because the writers have different style or whatever. But you two work amazingly well. I like the way you express the emotions. It's not just simple words but you give enough details in short lines that makes it easy to understand. Oh another thing, I like the first two lines of this stanza. They just worked really well. Great job :]

    Fifth Stanza: Aww. It's like a classical fairytale. So sweet and the whole bell scenario is just beautiful.. Reminds me of one of those old movies :] I love it. The flow was a little off in this one, but not so much that I was all over the place. My favorite line out of this one had to be line two. I think that a lot of people if not everyone can relate to these emotions. It's great guys. It really is :]

    Sixth Stanza: Oh boy. It's getting better and better. Lol. I like how you could kind of feel the panic. The anxiety when your running out of time after getting so far is obvious here. Maybe not that extreme but still. I also like how you said they both began to speak at the same time. It reminds me of one of those awkward conversations. Lol. I like it :] Overall, another great stanza.

    Seventh Stanza: I love it. I don't think this poem could of ended better. Lol. It truly was amazing. I love the last, well I love the whole stanza.

    Overall, a great poem you two. [I'm going to post it on both of yours] But like I said earlier, you two work very well together. Your story line could not of been better. Besides the small things, the poem was amazing. Great job :]

    5.5
    Amber :]

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