Making a little girl cry [Part one]

by J u l e s   Jul 29, 2008


Standing in the play ground
Joining fun filled games
Laughing while you play kick ball
Then calling her all these names

The little girl who was not the same
Never did she fit in, never did she seem smart
To everyone around the school
The little girl was born with out a heart

With out a thought you join in their "fun"
To only make her cry
But in your mind you do not know
Exactly why

You hear the old saying
Every time you join along
Of making tears fall down her face
Her tears fall just like a song

Remember that old saying
"Treat others with respect,
Treat them like you treat yourself
One day when you hurt someone
Some one might just hurt you"

Is there any way around your game
Is there truly any purpose
Was it only for a laugh
To tears turn into rain

You laughed at the way she dressed
How she mumbled in her talk
The way she looked
Even the way she walked

She only wants your friendship
Is it too hard to accept
But never do you take the offer
The offer is always over stepped

But every day she'd come outside
Just to have a little fun
She would always end in tears
Because the tormenting has just begun

In this game it had one goal
To make the little girl cry
You always got that wish
When tears fell from her eyes

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Aish

    Hey julia, this is really good-got a bit of constructive criticism though...

    It took me a little while to read the second stanza so that it fit in rhythm, but i got it in the end-so thats ok.

    In the 3rd stanza, you might try to find something to add to the last line-it needs about 4 more syllables.

    in the 4th stanza, maybe add one more syllable to the last line. maybe "her tears fall down just like a song" i dont know-i think it fits better-but thats getting picky...

    you gotta be careful when you put in a quote that it doesnt ruin or change the rhythm and flow of the poem-that 5th stanza has one more line and loses the rhyme-if you could fix tat up maybe-but maybe hat was on purpose-i dont know...

    maybe in the 6th stanza you could change it around a liitle and have
    "is there really any purpose
    or a reason for your game
    or is it simply for a laugh
    to turn tears into rain" then you're saying the same thing but it keeps the rhyme there.

    in the 7th stanza-maybe add "you laughed at" again, before "the way she looked" it fits better and repetition can be useful.

    9th stanza-you switched from past tense to present tense (might have done it before in the poem too-be careful about that) so maybe "the tormenting had just begun" rather than "has just begun"

    I really like what you've done though!!!!! i think it's great, you dont have to change anything but read over the suggestions and see what you think.
    Hope i helped and sorry for picking it apart!!!!!!!!!!

    4/5 all up.
    xoxoxoxoxoxo

  • 16 years ago

    by Tina Marie

    Well I havent been on in a while to read or comment any of ur poem. but this is good one i really really like it alot. who is it about though

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