Comments : What is love 2

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Okay, it's really difficult to read your poems because you say you speak Spanish so your English isn't very well. So I'm going to give you a pretty detailed critique. Hope it helps you!

    "Love is the most beutiful thing in ur life"
    `Beautiful not beutiful.
    `Take out "ur".. You could just simply say that Love is the most beautiful thing in our lives. Maybe you'd reword it like that.

    "Love is something you find
    Love is something you die for"
    `Okay, these are true statements.. but I don't really like the repetition of Love is something.. you could maybe add a rhyme to this poem and make it so that you aren't being so repetitive and then you would have a poem that actually rhymes and has a flow rather than doesn't rhyme and doesn't have a flow and just lists things. This poem is mainly just listing things. I dont really like that idea all that much. Sorry.

    "Love is something no one could brake"
    `Break not brake.

    "Love is emotation that you never felt before"
    `Emotion not emotation..

    "Love is the most important thing in ur life"
    `Again, I'd take our "ur" and replace with "our lives" maybe? Just a suggestion.

    "Love is something you would fight for"
    `I think you should change the tense of your poem. Maybe you would rewrite this line like.. "Love is something we fight for everyday" or just simply.. "Love is something we fight for."

    "Love is something the complete ur heart"
    `Rewrite this maybe like this...
    Love is something that completes our heart.

    "This is what I think love is"
    `Take this out. It's not needed. I think the reader already knows that you think that's what love is. You are stating your opinion in this poem, so this isn't really needed at the end.

    Overall, this write was pretty simple. It contained no flow, no rhyme.. It just contained a list of what love really is in your opinion. This really in my opinion was not a poem, so it was more prose. I agree with what you said in this "list" but maybe try to work with it more.. Jazz it up with some unique words, work on your grammar.. I know English isn't easy to learn if another language was your first language, but you'll get the hang of it.. and you'll improve. I hope I helped, and hope I didn't come across rude. Good Luck! xx