Thirst For Blood {Triple Triolet & Contest}

by BREEawNUHH   Jul 30, 2008


The streets will soon be running red with blood.
All because of a demon of his own deadly kind.
The red liquid will be the reason for the flood.
The streets will soon be running red with blood.
It's going to fall in sync with the rain caused mud.
He strolls calmly looking for innocent victims to find.
The streets will soon be running red with blood.
All because of a demon of his own deadly kind.

He has this thirst for blood and he'll take it tonight.
He's going to use his sharp teeth as if they were knives.
The victims will struggle, he'll tell them not to fight.
He has this thirst for blood and he'll take it tonight.
He'll hold them in his arms, stop breathing, it's too tight.
The victims will soon lose their blood, and their lives.
He has this thirst for blood and he'll take it tonight.
He's going to use his sharp teeth as if they were knives.

You won't be able to escape his straight jacket hold.
You've given up your life to a man with a ghost-like face.
Throw your cards down to the table, say you want to fold.
You won't be able to escape his straight jacket hold.
You're losing body heat, you'll start to feel freezing cold.
Don't try to run, because you're the one he'll want to chase.
You won't be able to escape his straight jacket hold.
You've given up your life to a man with a ghost-like face.

Briana Coulter
07.30.08

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I like repetition in poems and I enjoyed it in this one as well, but at times it just seemed to much with this style of writing. Excellent imagery though and the flow was done pretty well once again, kept my attention amd focus until the end. Nice job 5/5 GG23

  • 16 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I love the first line. It catches the readers eye.
    It's interesting.

    I love the style, and the repetition... this must have been a difficult poem to write. I like the theme, the blood-thirsty vampire feeding theme, and you present it well. No errors in the first two verses, which is proof of caring for your poetry, and the grammar is pristine.

    I love how this poem does not say vampire once, and you can, at the end of the poem, comprehend this blood-thirsty vampire as a man who will just lead you on for a bit then dump you...

    Over-all, for a contest poem, you have earned a five because although there doesn't seem to be that much of a flow, there is a story, a metaphor, and a moral: don't give your heart away to a blood-sucking vampire.

    Wonderful Job!

    5/5

    ~Stephen White

  • 16 years ago

    by Sole

    Wow. I felt shivers down my spine as I read this.. That was amazing. So dark, and the structure was great, te repetition added to the chill of the poem, you used an excellent choice of words, incorporating (Spelling?) the use of the weather - The rain and freezing cold - as well as imagery of the Demon (Vampire?). A very spine-tingling piece of poetry and anothe amazing poem. You're on my favourites. 5/5

    Sole x

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I believe this is the first Triple Triolet I have read. Seems to be effective at intensifying the terror in this dark poem. I felt spellbound by your theme and choice of words which blended into the darness of the poem as a whole.It was indeed an experience
    "You won't be able to escape his straight jacket hold"
    As many will not escape the horror well conveyed in this read

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    `Woah. Just from the looks of this, it looks like a difficult style to pull of, but I think you have the potential to do so! :]
    `Oh yeah, and you MAY want to put what a Triple Triolet is at the bottom because quite honestly I'm not that big of a fan of style writing and I have no idea what it is. Lol. All I know is it must have to do with three stanzas with the same amount of lines, but still a description would be nice and very helpful. Now on to the poem..

    First stanza,
    `Really good. I love the lines you used. They were very dark and descriptive. Good rhyme, umm. I guess I'm not really a fan of this style, I think it's got too much repitition, but then again, that is my opinion.

    Second Stanza,
    `Same thing as the first. I'm not really a fan of this style.. because I think it's got too much repitition involved. It's really not that bad, but I think it's kinda too repetitive. Maybe a different style would impress me, I don't know. The rhyming was again, fabulous. The flow is good, because of the repitition.

    Third stanza,
    `Yeah, I've gotta say it again. Good rhyme and flow, but I'm totally not a fan of all this repitition.

    Overall, a great poem. You used the title very well. It was very fitting with the poem and the whole dark, deep, sad kinda theme, Great job. :] Just add the description of a Triple Triolet at the bottom and you should be good to go! Well done, 5/5.

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