My Emotional Rollercoaster;part 1

My heart pounded through my chest and tears formed in my tightly squeezed eyes. I clenched my teeth, balled my fists and through my head into my pillow. I was resisting it,anger. The emotion that left me helpless.

Her words, the harsh, cruel sounds that her voice brought burned in my head long after she spoke them. Why was I being continuously pushed to see how far I will bend before I break? Have I done some sort of crime or spoken some ridiculous lie? Every time I decide to try to be perfect, the screaming returns, leaving me as hurt and broken as I was before.

Maybe I was cursed and this demon haunted me my whole life, only now did i realize I would never be perfect. I would never be the dream child, no matter how many times I bit my lip when an insult was thrown at me.

Why am I letting her get away with this?, why did I think being strong would mean not fighting back? I must have gone crazy, but I could think of no other sensible option. I was often referred to as the useless, destructive, selfish, dumb, weak and spoiled child, and I only just began to believe them. Maybe it was because what I called a lie was beginning to have more truth than I imagined.

Life seemed to be getting more and more tough these days, what with my mother who was never proud of me and my father who thought nothing of me. Let alone the boy who wrecked my summer. Right when I thought I had no more room for troubles, my life made room.He was the sweetest, kindest most amazing boy I've ever met and yet he was destined to make my summer a living hell. My eyes burned every time i saw his face and my ears were always searching the air for the melody of his voice.

I wondered if it was only me that saw this light glowing through him, or if he was so angelic to the world. What I did know was that he stole my heart, broke it and returned it to me. His eyes, his smile, his lips,his hands, i yearned for them. His touch sent shivers down my spine and a tingle through my skin.

That was then, now he seems like a small part of my imagination; a feeling so strong in my head that it causes me so much pain. Yet this pain I long for, because deep inside my soul I know that this pain is the last connection of everything and anything that joins us. A gift from him to me which i choose to enjoy quite often. With this pain, I know this angel is real.

Life can't be all bad, and God blessed me with a friend. His voice I miss when pain comes creeping along and his hugs I would die for any day. Everyday he slowly is becoming more to me than he can ever imagine. One day he is the world and the next he is the sun, my only source of warmth and comfort. He is simply, Kevin. The one I am sure that I love. He, of course, has his own pain and I feel like such a small part of his life when I want to be so much bigger. My life was quite the emotional roller coaster, and on that roller coaster I was the one screaming and crying yet smiling and laughing.One thing I knew. I will fight against my mother, cry over my lost boyfriend and love Kevin like a brother forever. So if I was so sure of this, why was I so confused?

* sorry i know it isn't really a poem, it came out funny, please tell me what you think though. i know its long too, and its only the first part. comment and rate please*