Lose Yourself {Triquatrain & Contest}

"Lose yourself, hide up on the shelf.
All in hopes that he'll find you up there.
Don't make noise, you're one of the toys.
Maybe he'll hide too but only if he dares."

^This stanza really had me wanting more, and makes me think about it, you're hiding from him, and you don't want him to find you but you possibly do want him to....

"You're in pain, tears fall like the rain.
Mascara is running down your cheeks.
Broken apart, is currently your heart.
You've been this way for days, even weeks."

^Great imagery and well expressed emotions here. The word choice was absolutely perfect....

"Glossed over eyes, because of the cries.
The tears just won't stop flowing fast.
Blood is dripping, you keep sniffling.
Maybe this will erase your past."

^This has me thinking, did you do something wrong, and you made a mistake that you regret? Anyway, pefectly worded that has the reader entranced in your words and thoughts....

"You've lost yourself, you fell from the shelf.
He found you broken on the floor.
You made no sound, until you fell down.
Sadly, you forgot to lock the door."

^Very powerful ending, this whole poem makes the reader think, and can be interpreted in many different ways depending on your point of view. Nice write, very enjoyable to read. Keep writing, always and forever.........

Oh, oh, oh. I love your opening stanza. Wow. I get the feeling that you're hiding on purpose, to see if he'll bother looking for you, and you want him to find you, but at the same time you don't. Though I can't figure out why. And hiding only if he dares ... it gives me the idea that you don't want him to hide like you are because you were hoping he had balls enough (excuse my language) to stand up and look for you instead of waiting for you to find him instead.

Your second stanza didn't stand out as much. It's what you'd typically find in a lot of pieces these days, but the way you worded it didn't make it so cliche sounding. So I wouldn't change it either.

Blood is dripping, you keep sniffling.
Maybe this will erase your past.
`Oh, now that is extremely open to translation. It makes me think that maybe you did something, or gave something up--the boy, maybe? the relationship? And you did it because you thought it was right, and maybe this would erase a very bad past of yours where you did wrong. Or, maybe you're just saying that the tears will wash away your history. Hm.

OH MY GOSH. What an ending! Now from this, I get such a beautiful picture. A shattered porcelain doll (don't ask why my mind chose porcelain, because I don't either) on the floor belonging to a girl that this boy standing there loved. Hrm, now I'm really looking into this. AH, but so many possibilities! It's like, broken on the floor and him finding you there is saying you'd rather be dead to fall into his arms again. That you hid yourself, not because you wanted him to find you, but because you were afraid. Or maybe you didn't want to see him again, because you'd go vulnerable to melt into puddles at his feet.

AH, I really adore this piece, minus the second stanza xD Because I didn't see it fit in too much, even though it does. Ish.

Well done :)

..__MiNDYY

I really liked this poem, the imagery was great, difficult to understand at first but after a few read-throughs I got the idea that someone 'he' has done something bad to you and as much as you are hiding, you are really wishing that he would try and find you, join you. I'm not an overly deep person so I probably missed your original meaning completely, still this is how I view it and perhaps it's because I feel like that sometimes.
I really liked this poem, awesome write.

Sole x

Wow! I really really liked this! If this comes from amissed (lol) than you should be that more often. haha

5/5

xo
ariel <3