I'm trying not to panic
But life has a way of making me feel nervous
Like sometimes, to see me sweat and piss my pants is her purpose
I feel like I need oxygen
And I don't know how, I'm going to die but
This must be how it feels to drown
Hyperventilation leading to hypertension
Which leads to a high probability that I wonâ??t see
My kids graduate from college
If that's what they decide to do
I think I'll support them in whatever they choose
Whatever they choose, it better be better than me
At least that's the prayer I pray sometimes
When I'm not praying for some stability, and guidance
Sometimes I think God's inbox is too full
And my prayers get lost somewhere in that folder labeled 'Spam'
My soul feels dark and I'm just looking for some light
To shine on my life, shyt it doesn't even have to be right
Just enough to make it through the kitchen at night
With out stubbing my toe on the stove
Which is cold because I haven't had a reason to turn the knob
Because lately, my food for thought has been spoiled
So I had to throw it out last night, along with my pride
My pride, was getting in my way
So I had to stop stroking that man in the mirror
Because I was starting to feel real gay
When I was 11 years old my great-grandmother
Sent a message to me through my aunt
Even though she had been dead 6 years already
She didn't let that stop her from what she had to say
She told her to tell me that I shouldn't run away
That no matter how hard it got
Or how confused I was about what I was going through
That I should stay...so I stayed
