First things first, excellent flow for the most part.

Second and third stanzas were a little weak.
"My heart beats with an open chest, a wound worth licking,"
I think you would see how this doesn't quite work, rhyme for the sake of rhyme. Or just generally a poor metaphor.

"Like a paraplegic I'm paralyzed"
Oh really? Is the paralysed needed? Maybe you could think of something better to put into that line.

Not too sure about what this poem is fully about. It seems to be lacking emotion which might be taken out by the lack of personal-ness.

Third stanza, you swapped rhyme schemes which is a little trippy for the reader and the poems rhythm.

But the last stanza was amazing.
Beautiful poetry.

Other than what I've said, everything else was great. Just watch the rhyme.

5/5, still.

jess ~

Well Karl, firstly, great poem. To me this is about a person who is plagued by a past wrong that has occured to him/her. What ever it was that happened, he just can't seem to get over it, and now he can't sleep cuz it's still bothering him and he thinks he's going insane. Great job (5/5)

I adore the second stanza. To me, I see it as, there's so many pains that we go through in life, and no matter how much we want time to stop or slow down, the clock will always continue to go no matter what you're going through or how you're feeling. And the image of an open chest with a beating heart is absolutely haunting. And the thought of licking such a wound causes goosebumps. It's like, how could such a horrid vision make you want to run your tongue along it? But then in life, there are those that would gladly wallow in your pain. The mind kicking, to me, is in life, instead of acting on what you truly believe you don't--hence being paralyzed, and instead your regret is just screaming in your brain.

Third stanza, I find it to be finally growing your own mind and standing up for yourself. The treason is towards your own self. YOUR country. Where you were always conflicted and now you're going to create a whole new place--a whole new aura for yourself (hence the season). Your past is the world you're leaving to recreate your future--these two things are your worlds. Your present is the space between them.

Though here, you change your rhyme scheme and it threw me off at first, I do like those two lines.

Huh, what an interesting ending. Two-tongues... two-faced, maybe? So many possibilities to that stanza. I'm still thinking that there's another face being put up to hide the weakness within, since it appears you didn't want it detected. I'm thinking you made a mistake and it's just stalking him continuously so now he's an insomniac and this is just another one of his typical nights of no sleep.

Nicely done, though. Amazing write.

..__MiNDYY

You are so amazing at writing... this poem caught me instantly and now i'm addicted to it, definitley going on my favorites. great job bro!

5/5

wow.... keep up the good work!

Wow... This is one great write... :)

I honestly loved the first stanza:
'Counting countless sheep to sleep my mind is racing,
Eyes wide open, but still darkness is all I'm facing,
Legs as calm as the summer night, yet still I'm pacing,
Standing stone faced replacing a future not worth embracing.'
-- Says a lot and made me read till the end, which was another job well done...!! :)

5/5 8).

Wow this poem is amazing, great work

"Like a paraplegic I'm paralyzed so my mind does the kicking,"
I think the paraplegic and paralyzed are too much for the same line. I understand the difficulty to replace it, somehow, but it just is too much.

"tick tock on the wall the clock is ticking,"
"I can't seem, to block the ticking."
You use ticking twice in the same stanza and it is an unfortunate thing. It poisons the last line, by repeating it.

Everything else is wonderful. The words painted inside my head. The flow was smooth and sweet. I enjoyed this. It was close to perfect.
5/5

Lexie

I love the visuals in this work it both intense and powerful. The work left a haunting images of almost loosing it. IU enjoyed this a lot great work. Plot121

This poem is restless and intense which makes in easy to relate to. As per usual I an very impressed
5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>