Take On The World {Contest}

by BREEawNUHH   Aug 3, 2008


We realize that we are two of a kind, so we breathe as one.
We can take on this world until our final day has been done.
Everything pauses as our love moves faster than light.
Nothing will ever hold us back, whether it is day or night.

As the city crumbles, I see that there's nothing left behind.
As we lay here together, I feel your heart beat with mine.
With time standing still, here is where we've always been.
Well, there goes the world and we're right in the middle again.

If we want to get out, we have no choice but to move quick.
As you read my mind, you say, "this place makes me sick".
They say we're supposed to feel at home, but this is a war-zone.
This is our chance, so our trip we are unable to postpone.

We'll fight until our final day, and ignore people who cannot trust.
The only thing we need to survive is each other, that's a must.
I cannot do this without you by my side, so I won't ever let go.
Our passion to live and for one another is not at all a show.

Briana Coulter
08.03.08

**"As the city crumbles I see that there's nothing left behind.
As we lay here together I feel your heart beat with mine.
With time standing still, here is where we've always been.
Well, there goes the world and we're right in the middle again."

-- "In The Middle" by Theory Of A Deadman**

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by ForeverASickKid

    Great job!! i really like it! its so moving and has so much feeling!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "We'll fight until our final day, and ignore people who cannot trust.
    The only thing we need to survive is each other, that's a must."
    `These were my favorite lines throughout the entire poem!

    Anyways, besides that.. I really enjoyed this poem. Some parts were just so amazingly written. Uhm, the rhyme and flow of the poem was so smooth, which made the poem even that much more enjoyable! Not a thing I'd change with this, it's flawless. That's why it won third place for my contest. There was nothing wrong wtih it that I could see with my eyes. :] I really loved the title too, that captured my attention. The lyrics you used fit amazingly as well. Perfect. 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I enjoyed reading this piece because it reminds me of my Fiancee and I, we're always there for eachother no matter and as long as we have eachother we'll be okay. "I cannot do this without you by my side, so I won't ever let go." Definately how I feel and these words were very strong. Excellent poem, great flow and word choice 5/5 GG23

  • 16 years ago

    by BrokenREALiTy

    We realize that we are two of a kind, so we breathe as one.
    `What an amazing opening line. It's so simple, and yet so stunning and unique. The essence and the beauty behind it is just ... wow. I get such a radiant image in my mind just from that single line.

    Your first stanza, you start out great, but I don't fancy the rhyme light/night. It's too common, and it was there that I felt like it's there only because you couldn't think of anything else that would fit. I find that that happens several times throughout the piece. At times, it's good, but at times the rhyme just seems ... awkward.

    They say we're supposed to feel at home, but this is a war-zone.
    `Powerful words. It's how many people feel about life. I don't know about adults, but for sure many teenagers feel this way.

    The whole piece overall created great imagery, and the concept behind it is just amazingly portrayed.

    Aside from a few of your rhymes, quite frankly, I saw nothing wrong with it.
    ..__MiNDYY

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    What a deep and meaningful poem this is!

    "Everything pauses as our love moves faster than light.
    Nothing will ever hold us back, whether it is day or night."

    ^Such sweet words, very touching......

    You really grabbed my attention in this poem and it was such an enjoyable write. Good work. Keep writing, always and forever.......

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