Comments : That Sweet Taste Upon My Lips

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow...

    I'm speechless in a way. Your latest pieces are simply brilliant, but I haven't had time to leave detailed comments on them when I read them. This poem is fantastic in so many ways.
    First off, I love the atmosphere that you created: this is eerie, dark and seductive in the same time, it's haunting and memorable. Your choice of words here is perfect, every stanza holds amazing descriptions that brought me to completely different world.

    -
    -Cacodemonic I am,
    Lips tainted of glory
    Declining;
    Dracula once fell,
    into limbs of invite.-
    ^^^
    Breathtaking beginning, it pulled me deeply into the poem. I couldn't wait to read more. This is so powerful and unique. I have just one suggestion. You could write the first line like this:
    Cacodemonic I am-
    I think that it needs intenser pause, so the comma just slowed the flow.

    - Venturing from darkness
    was his weakness, for
    the scent of blood in her
    eyes.
    Illuminated
    misconception;
    staked thine heart.-
    ^^^
    I don't understand why you used semi colon before the last line, it would maybe be better with comma. Other than that, this is another flawless stanza. It holds deeper dark atmosphere than the first one, and the imagery left me speechless.

    - Cacodemonic I am,
    The Queen of bats.
    Blood upon these hands;
    create a scent of desperation.
    Glory to my taste buds
    I abstracted Dracula from
    his throne. -
    ^^^
    The repetition of the line from the beginning is truly effective here. I love two ending lines here, they're so unexpected and mysterious.
    Again, I don't think that the semi colon is needed at the end of the third line, it detaches beginning of the stanza from the rest of it.
    This is my favorite part from the poem.

    - A modern lamia;
    Seducing Dracula to death. -
    ^^^
    The ending left me speechless. It is powerful, and I think that that is remarkable closure to this poem. Greatly done.

    Overall, I think that you did excellent job with this piece. It's surely going to my favorites.

    Keep up!

  • 16 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    This poem to me was definely not simplistic in its contents and depth yet it drew vivid images into my mind of vampires, their
    hungers and evilness. I must admit I did use a dictionary and encyclopedia to decipher some of your vocabulary not being a great lover of untruths (Vampires etc.) Lamia/Cacodemonic, very clever though not neccessary. I was a bit confused as to how a child killing vampiress can seduce supposedly the first of their kind and kill him? Yes I know the poem is once more one of your metamorphic efforts? 4/5 Ray

  • 16 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Sorry I meant,' Metaphoric' efforts Ray

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This haunting poem makes me thirsty for some reason in a nughty way. It is amazing
    Very well done

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Cacodemonic I am"
    `I must really be stupid or something. I don't know what this word means loll. Unless I just don't recognize the spelling. Maybe a word bank would be helpful. I know some people do that at the bottom of the poem, it's something nice to refer to when you use big words.

    Format; I noticed the format was a little weird, but I like it. It's a unique style (:

    Overall, a really deep dark poem. I don't usually like to read these kinds of poems, but from reading a few and seeing what they are like.. I think you did a very great job portraying that really dark dark mood. Excellent, 5/5. (:

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Cacodemonic I am"

    I had to look that word up, but I like the way you used it, this definetly is excellent vocabulary...

    "Lips tainted of glory
    Declining;
    Dracula once fell,
    into limbs of invite."

    What powerful and dark words, your poems are so entrancing..

    "Venturing from darkness
    was his weakness, for
    the scent of blood in her
    eyes."

    Good descriptions and imagery, this really gives me visuals, nicely done.

    "Illuminated
    misconception
    staked thine heart."

    I love how you say "thine heart". Flawless wording, wowie!

    "Cacodemonic I am,
    The Queen of bats.
    Blood upon these hands
    create a scent of desperation.
    Glory to my taste buds
    I abstracted Dracula from
    his throne."

    Great story-line here, and nice usage of words...

    Overall, 5/5 from me, reading your poems is like taking a journey, wonderful work! Keep writing, always and forever......