This was the four poem of yours I have read, three had a father theme and I did not really understand were you were coming from so I did not comment on them. I did not really like them, they made me feel uncomfortable.
Yet this poem although not laid out to my liking had style and I got your drift, is this an attempt at new wave as if it is I enjoyed it the second time I read it and even though I am of the old school read a couple my poems I am going to give you a 5/5 for it keep up your standards, I don't think many will comment on this as it looks a bit contrived or clever if you get what I am saying. Ray