I am sure one more will bring me closer,
but one more might be too far.
How do you measure an addiction?
How do you measure a weakness,
so profound it turns you into a demon,
seeking relief in places that release will never be found.
Its those moments of vain hope
when everything becomes terribly lucid,
that the addict realizes that this is not worth it,
but this...
this...
is all there is.
To become so numb the world can be held
and every thought is a rebellion,
the spinning, twirling, dizzying world
is just proof that you can grasp it.
For you are steady, clear minded behind all that haze
and you laugh at the words that come tumbling out
only to gasp at horror within yourself at the effect.
You are right beneath the surface,
all this does is bury you somewhere shallow
reflected in your mindless words.
I am sure you are there somewhere,
and I am sure you still hurt.
You can act like you are happy
with disobeying common sense,
with abandoning the will to survive,
but I see you there under the surface,
beyond the haze, the rebellion,
the twirling, spinning, dizzying confusion.
I see your feelings, for you are not numb
and I see that some part of you dreams
of something more...
but one more may be too little
one more may be too much.
you'll pretend to be unsure until you try it,
knowing the effects of the poison well.
You'll pretend to be happy
when all you are is gone...
