My Little Fantasy

by BreakMyWingsAndRun   Aug 5, 2008


Whats wrong you ask me nothing i say as i shake my head,
But deep down inside i cant stop thinking of what you said.

To her not me. The words made my heart break in two,
When you told her she would always have you.

Can you look in my eyes and see my heart,
know that I'll love you with all i can. I'd give anything for you to reach out your hand.

And take mine. Hold it forever in your heart,
And love me with every part.

No body ever pays attention....but this is my little fantasy,
There was no her and you only loved me.

    report violation
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  • 16 years ago

    by ether

    For a short little thing it has a lot of emotion but I think that you can express it better. The words you chose are a little cliche, a little overused. For future, I'd say explore with a new set of vocabulary. Perhaps look up dictionary.com 's 'word of the day' and try and use that in a poem? I'm sure if you gradually introduce more descriptive words you won't lose any of that emotion either.

    This poem is good. The emotion being the clear standout of the pice. The length is also very suited to the poem, any longer and it would have dragged on, any shorter and it wouldn't have been enough. 4/5, keep writing :)

    jess ~

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