Comments : Social Affair

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I'm stuck in this room,
    full of mysterious strangers.
    I'll keep my mouth shut,
    to keep myself from danger."

    ^Great rhyme and flow. But the repetion of "keep" kind of ruined it for me. Maybe replace it with another word?

    "I don't quite understand,
    why I'm feeling all alone.
    There's so many people,
    but my heart sets the tone."

    ^Your emotions are well expressed here, nice job.....

    "It tells me to stay silent;
    not to say anything.
    But I just want to scream,
    and not dance or sing."

    ^I like this stanza, not my favorite, but still good......

    "Maybe I want to cry,
    and let my feelings out.
    The thing that stops me,
    is my undying doubt."

    Wonderful ending that really sums it all up. This poem is simple, not to wordy or anything, and I like that. Keep writing, always and forever.....

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "I'll keep my mouth shut,
    to keep myself from danger."
    `These two lines are probably the only thing you'd consider changing. I don't like the repitition of "keep" in both lines. Change one of them to a synoynm for keep if you can find one.

    Other than that, I loved the title and the poem all together had a wonderful flow and was the rhyme was consistant throughout the poem. :] Good jobb. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Wake Me Up

    I'm stuck in this room,
    full of mysterious strangers.
    ^^^^
    I feel as if you mean ghosts...I don't know if that is what you were going for but that is the impression I got

    I'll keep my mouth shut,
    to keep myself from danger.
    ^^^
    I can relate to life right. I like that in a poem. Sometimes you say the wrong thing and everything seems to go down hill.

    I don't quite understand,
    why I'm feeling all alone.
    There's so many people,
    but my heart sets the tone.
    ^^^^
    I absoultley love the last line of this stanza.
    But I also relate this to life too. You can be in a crowded place but feel more alone than ever.

    It tells me to stay silent;
    not to say anything.
    But I just want to scream,
    and not dance or sing.
    ^^^
    The last line of this stanza was...different. I don't really know what to think of it, but all and all it does relate.
    I understand the first two lines how you get the vibe of being quiet even if everyone else is being loud.

    Maybe I want to cry,
    and let my feelings out.
    The thing that stops me,
    is my undying doubt.
    ^^^^
    Excellent way to end the poem...I can really feel the emotion in the end.

    Excellent poem

  • 16 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    For something that is just off the top of your head its very good, great job.
    The flow was nice and easy to follow pluss the rhyming was perfect.
    =]
    My fav stanza however was the second, it holds a lot of emotion and the last line was brilliant.

  • 16 years ago

    by Goodbye

    Obviously this is not your best ones... But...You have some nice ideas on the poem. Not a meaningless one...

    Maybe I did not like this poem structure. This is my personal opinion (and very honest one) no offense!

    Interesting poem. Social affairs...they can be quite complicated I have noticed..

    Well done. :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very lyrical emotions unleashed

    Well done

  • 16 years ago

    by Spoken Silence

    Confusion is the emotion I get from this poem. not that I don't understand what's going on. But basically the person is indecisive. with what they are doing.

    "I'm stuck in this room,
    full of mysterious strangers.
    I'll keep my mouth shut,
    to keep myself from danger."

    A Character so scared, unsure of what is going on. Just want to be quite and away from the world, To keep away from danger.

    "I don't quite understand,
    why I'm feeling all alone.
    There's so many people,
    but my heart sets the tone"

    I think of a child when I read this, unsure about the world, scared away from all. To many things they don't understand that the world has to offer, confusing, scared.

    "It tells me to stay silent;
    not to say anything.
    But I just want to scream,
    and not dance or sing."

    What exactly is saying? What is going on? So many questions I need answers therefore I must read on.

    "Maybe I want to cry,
    and let my feelings out.
    The thing that stops me,
    is my undying doubt."

    Great way to end this poem, just at a cliff hanger so it seems Good work, everything I've read so far by you has been amazing. great talent you have