Comments : And Still the Wind Sings

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "And still the wind sings
    And still the wind sings
    And I am left without breath
    Nothing to call upon in my silence"

    I really don't feel the need to repeat "and still the wind sings" right there in the beginning, you could just repeat it once or replace it with something else. Cause you already have it for the title and throughout this poem. Just an opinion.

    "A voice hollowed on these plains
    The infernal consequence of being well-lived
    Dark and dangerous
    Holding me tight"

    Very captivating, good word choice too.

    "And still the wind sings
    And still the wind sings"

    Again, I don't think you need to repeat that twice, just put it once. I do like the idea of repeating that line, but you don't need to do it twice. Maybe write:

    "And still the wind sings,
    Creating whispers that travel"

    Or something to that extent.

    "A lullaby in my ear
    But it remains unheard for I live in silence
    The wind howls, hurt by my ignorance
    Injured by my nonchalance, so involuntary,
    To a song I've never heard
    And then the wind sings
    And still the wind sings"

    I love the ending, great descriptions and imagery! Also, the repetition here had a nice affect, it just is good for the ending. Keep writing, always and forever...