Comments : A Walker

  • 16 years ago

    by Goodbye

    So true... *sigh* A lot of honest congession about our mental life. Truth is too harsh to accept so our mind is colouring more beautiful to stand. I think we would go insane to realize all our mistakes and things we did wrong... The deeds we did in a tiny moment without thinking anything.. My gosh... A lot to bear...heaven bag to carry on my back..

    Yes... We can be so strong and unbreakable to spread the divine truth about our private life to friends. Telling them what happen. Why did we do something and what caused. Not mention what the little green man on our head thought when we did something do...

    Wow... Too long comment. Non-sense comment. I am sorry. Excuse my language.

    I think you did a great job. I like most in this poem its honesty... True words....hard to confess.

    Keep on writing.

  • 16 years ago

    by gracey grey

    Well, this poem is rather sad. Paints a picture of a man who is guilty, lonely, angry for mistakes made and mistakes found!!! Very touching read. But what I don't like here is that you used too many filler words.......Am no expert at judging, but i feel when one uses too many filler words, like ; I, you, the, to, and the like, it spoils the look of the poem, and most importantly it bores me!!!!:)

    "When I sink in the night
    I open my life
    I hear desperate cries
    Of my soul;
    For the sins it harbours."

    When night sinks
    life opens
    to desperate cries
    for sin it harbours

    The same message intact discarding some that irritates the eye!!! Keep writing.

  • 16 years ago

    by Cindy

    Very thought provoking piece you have penned.

    When I sink in the night
    I open my life
    I hear desperate cries
    Of my soul;
    For the sins it harbours.

    Sometimes we torture ourselves for things we have done or that have happened. This piece opens the readers eyes to so many thoughts.
    Good job!
    Take care
    Cindy

  • 16 years ago

    by Christopher Wry

    Word flow could have been better but overall ok.

  • 16 years ago

    by maryann

    Im speechless in a way i really like it good job:D