Comments : Blessed

  • 16 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "I catch glimpses of you watching me,
    Your eyes behold depth, concern yet some glee,
    I feel my mood lighten at the sight of your intense eyes of blue sea,"

    ^^ I loved this. It was a stunning way to open the poem. However - after "concern", you need another comma. & at the end, I do not feel as though you should ened it with a comma. I was thinking a period.

    "I know the emotion seen your eyes are for only I,
    I watch you get up and glide by,
    Gently taking my hand; I rise with a light sigh,"

    ^^ In the first line, "are" should be "is". Because "emotion" is singular.

    "Together we sway to the soft melody,
    In my ear you whisper your sweet charms to me,
    You're holding me so close, yet letting me feel so free"

    ^^ Wow. This is written so beautifully. I can picture, like, two people dancing in a ballroom full of people, but they're the only ones dancing, right in the middle of the room.

    "I feel my heart rate suddenly accelerate,
    I realizing finding you must have been fate,
    Thinking of a life that together we could create,"

    ^^ I think, in the first line, you should find a different word for "rate" because "accelerate" ends in "rate". And it kinda throws me off.

    "Tears slowly form in my eyes,
    You hold me closer, as if I were some sort of prize,
    All of sudden your mouth is on mine, my crying dies,"

    ^^ Aw. Sooo sweet!

    "Then you start to whisper in my ear,
    "Do you know much pain I feel when I see you cry one tear?"
    "Sweetie, every time I see you I want to draw you so near,""

    ^^ Again, this is so beautiful. There is nothing to change at all. It's wondeful.

    "I bury my head into your chest,
    I look up and say, "You're obsessed,"
    You laugh and say, "No, I'm blessed""

    ^^ And once again, this is beautifully written. This is probably my favourite part of the poem.

    ""I am so blessed to have you,"
    I look into his eyes and say, "I love you"
    You hold me tight again and say, "I love you too""

    ^^ Aw! I love the way you ended this; with an "I love you(too)". The most amazing three/four words in the world. I loved this piece, overall. I feel like it was easy to relate to, because I've been in love before. & it feels amazing.

    Five out of five.

    ``Briana

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Your eyes behold depth, concern, yet some glee."
    `Loved it! Perfectly written.. I loved how you described what his eyes held within. What you could tell by looking at them.

    "I feel my mood lighten at the sight of your intense eyes of blue sea,"
    `Awww. Beautiful. Just looking at someone makes you feel so much better.

    "Together we sway to the soft melody,
    In my ear you whisper your sweet charms to me,
    You're holding me so close, yet letting me feel so free"
    `This stanza contained a lot of imagery. Such a beautiful scence that I could picture oh so perfectly in my mind. Wonderful job.

    "I feel my heart rate suddenly accelerate,
    I realizing finding you must have been fate,
    Thinking of a life that together we could create,"
    `So adorable. The heart rate increases, and look foward to what the future could bring. I loved this stanza.. this poem is becoming really strong with genuine feelings for this person and it's just very beautiful! The flow/rhyme are good =)

    "Then you start to whisper in my ear,
    "Do you know much pain I feel when I see you cry one tear?"
    "Sweetie, every time I see you I want to draw you so near,"
    `Beautiful exchange of words :)

    "I bury my head into your chest,
    I look up and say, "You're obsessed,"
    You laugh and say, "No, I'm blessed"
    `What a beautiful poem. It's kinda cliche but most love poems are. You can't help that. :]

    ""I am so blessed to have you,"
    I look into his eyes and say, "I love you"
    You hold me tight again and say, "I love you too"
    `Pretty cliche ending. I would have liked to see something more interesting.. but it's a beautiful write.

    Overall, a beautifull little story. :] Kinda cliche but you can't help that. It's a love story. Wonderful job. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    I loved your imagery in the beginning here. It truly captured me and had me wanting to read more. The love you expressed here was easy for me to relate here because you described it clearly. I think the flow became rocky towards the end and some of the wording was weird and didnt flow right so just read over it and it will become obvious what to change.

    "Tears slowly form in my eyes,
    You hold me closer, as if I were some sort of prize,
    All of sudden your mouth is on mine, my crying dies,"

    ^This just captured my heat and made me so warm inside. You described it beautifully.

    Welll done.
    *5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by Alicia

    I honestly wanted to cry as I read this, it made me long for that kind of love, so tender yet strong. Amazing message and beautiful rhyming. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    Beautifully written. The rhyme scheme was great and i found it flowed through really well throughout the whole poem. You expressed yourself well, and i belive alot of people will read this piece, and relate to it right away. I loved the way you wrapped it up at the end. Wonderful write, i really enjoyed the read. keep it up. o.O