Jared (1990-2008)

I still feel you,
See you in my room.
I hear your voice,
Echoing from your tomb.
You may be buried,
You may be long gone.
But I still have you,
Tightly held in my arms.

Very good way of starting the poem. The flow is very well represented!

I remember when you said,
That I was perfect.
I was your best friend,
And that was no secret.
You helped me with,
Every problem I ever had.
You helped to calm,
My body when I was mad.
Every wound that reopened,
You sewed back shut.
Needle and thread handy,
There never was a "but".
You held my head,
When I was sick and cold.
It pains me to know,
Together, we wont grow old.

very well written.!!!!!! but in..

"You'll always be that young man,
That aboded in my heart.
Now that you are gone,
That feeling is falling apart. "

i think you could have written the first line a bit differently like:

"Always being the young man,
That aboded in my heart.
Now that you are gone,
That feeling falling apart. "

I know you want what's best,
For me and my life.
For me to pursue my art career,
Have children and be a good wife.
I'll always think of you,
When my children hug me.
And when I look into their eyes,
It'll be you that I see.

wooow!!! I love that part it's so emotional and make the reader feel really "into" the scene where you hug your children.

That one person who cared,
When no one else did.
The emptiness I feel now,
My heart could never be rid.
I can only pray,
You're watching me from above.
Trying to tell me,
It's always been me that you loved.

Very descent flow and well written aswell!

You were a friend,
You were a lover,
You were an angel,
You were a brother,
You were a peacemaker,
You were a solider.

I really love that part. It's amazing!!
I hope you like the suggestions that I made to it, though there are not many and it's just about small details!!

That was amazing.

Wow... thats really sad... very deep... life's good at putting people in your path, but it's even better at taking them away... very well written.

5/5
Thanks
<3 Rose <3