Heart Broken **deep**

I sit with the tears running down my cheeks wondering why i deserved so much pain. why did i have to mess this up? why did i have to push you away? why couldn't i jux keep my mouth shut and lie? I know why: b/c i was comfortable enuf around you to tell u the truth that i didn't think it would affect us.. well that is what i get for thinking huh?

The heartbreak builds up until the tears pour and i have to turn away from the silent stares of pity. The one i love killed me with jux three words: lets be friends. I feel my sould shatter with every breath and i can taste the blood of my tears hit my mouth.

I see him walk by and i smile sadly at my lost love and try to fight the tears from pouring down her cheeks as i silently walk away and embrace my own misery.

After all my misery is my lover now. He's the one i have to turn to now. He holds me tight as the tears flow continuously and he continues to hold the pieces of my heart until i feel them slip through the cracks of his grip and shatter once more. I grab each broken shard and feel the pricks along my skin as i try to put my once whole heart back together again. With each broken piece i feel the blood soak the cavernous floor that my once lovely heart used to suspend above. As each shattered remnant pierces my skin and makes me relive the pain of last night i know that it will never be whole again without you.

Once every piece is accounted for i pull out the lock and chest and dump my soul, my spirit, my heart and my life within this precious box. I stand above it and feel my love for you flow into it as well because if it stayed within me, free to roam around, i'd lose my mind, my sanity, and my actual life. All my feelings disappear and i become numb---the pain is back. The TRUE PAIN returns. where it becomes a part of me and i only feel numbness. i don't feel anything else but numbness. i now can deal with anything---

I lock the chest on us and bury it once again. I feel my heart protesting; telling me to fight for you; to not let you get away, but then the numbness of my mind overcomes it and demands it to be still and give you what you wish: FRIENDSHIP. Nothing more and nothing less jux friendship.

No matter how much misery i'm in as long as your happy my numbness will try to override the tears and pain. I'll be able to live with being friends now that my heart and soul are numb.

So once again i watch us disappear beneath the surface of my cavernous floor and i feel my love of life go with it. after all you brought happiness to my life baby.

I walk away from our grave with tears in my sight-less eyes as i take the promise of our future together you once made to me, off my left finger and place it onto my right; knowing we're over and nothing i do or say will bring u back to me. I'll never love anyone like you. But hey! that's life huh? I hope you're truly happy and that you find true love baby.

Good bye my lost love. I love you and i alwayz will. I'll part you with a promise of friendship and a promise to never stop loving you.

I'll also leave you with a tear and a sad smile b/c i know we may never be together again.

I love you

Bye my love,
me