Epic journey

by Nate the philosopher   Aug 10, 2008


As he walks threw the wastelands
on his epic journey
to find the ultimite treasure
he sees horrible sights
man fighting man
animals dieing
and unspeakable sin
he does not let himself get
pulled away from his journey
and pulled into sin
he continues on letting his heart push him
further and further than he has ever gone befor
untill hes at the ends of the earth
he finds the ultimite treasure
...............Her

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by 4EvErMaKeBeLiEvE

    Makes me jealous<3

  • 16 years ago

    by Yeka

    Nice flow
    truly wonderful keep it up (^_^) 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Goodbye

    I found you have spelled wrong "dieing
    ". I think you meant "dying"?

    Another mistake "befor"=> "before"
    And one more... "untill" => until
    "ultimite" => "ultimate"
    "threw" => through

    One sentence I don't really understand is "he continues on letting his heart push him "... Maybe you could help me to understand it?

    I hope you did not mind I point out the mistakes I found. English is not my mother language but I wanted to help.

    The poem was lovely. It is very sweet to think girl as a treasure. I like the poem.

    My advice for next writings is pay more attention to structure of poem. Structure is like the frame of the photo.

    Keep on writing! :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Amber

    That was pretty cool. Liek the treaure being her. And how you described some things.

  • 16 years ago

    by Ashley Q

    Awww cute . i love it baby! i love you too

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