See

No shame. Nothing that could come back to haunt me. Just the facts.
Not one single day. Not one single minute. Not even a second are able to pass
Without
Thoughts. Thought's of why? What? How? Etc.
Was it meant to be a crushing experience?
A learning experience?
Growing
Knowing
Stopping.
Not to smell the roses, but to ponder.
Then to understand
Then to of course to ponder again
What I thought was so true. So lovely. So right.
Was really just meant to be
A beautifully awful experience. So horrid. So Intriguing. So. Just all and everything plus more that I had ever wanted in my life. And never want again.
Digging and probing into the untouched. Never meant to be touched portals of my mind. Realms of my being.
If I had been different. If he knew that I would have died and killed a million time
s over for him. That my universe revolved around him. Spiritually, sexually, intellectually enlightened me.
Then tore me to bit's in a simple mind boggling twists
I do not hate him. He tossed me aside. Threw me to the curb. And then one day, It was up to me to live. Cry. Stop. Give in to the fact the when you love another, they do not have to love you back.
Much time alone. Starving. Reading. Hating all I was. All I am. All I thought I would ever end up too be.
Now, I want to just thank him. Thank him for awakening me. Leaving me. Not wanting me. Not lusting after me. Not loving me. Knowing in his heart that we were never truly meant to be. My life is still very much full of ups and downs. I hurt so badly at times. Life is unpredictable. Harsh. Bliss.
So, now you know. I loved you. I still love you so. I grew up. The feelings we had for each other were completely opposite. Tears roll down my cheeks as I write these words. I want to feel your touch. Soft full lips. Strong arms wrapped around me. Seeing myself as one with a soul now. I may always have love for you, but you left me, Now you will never see