"My tears fall like the rain falls during an insane thunderstorm.
It is not something that I seem to have any control over whatsoever.
Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I let you do this?
Maybe it's 'cause I feel like I have to be needed by someone."
haha i love the first line! that is so beautiful..i don't see anything that needs correcting

"I stare out my window, and I see swaying trees, and fallen limbs.
The wind is doing the same to the earth what your words did to me.
Things are scattered; paper, empty soda cans, bottles -- everything.
Even my heart -- but it's not outside in the storm -- it's under your shoes."
favorite line in this stanza : second..i like the way that you put stuff

"The wind is blowing right outside my door, and it sounds like your words.
I've felt this painful sting before, but it hurt so much more tonight.
I've let it go before, but why? I could've saved myself from this pain.
The sirens blare, like the engine revved from your car as you left."

you are excellent at similes :]. i love the first line, you know just the way to open a stanza

"So many things went through my head as you were screaming.
I'm reminded of what you said when I look at the bruises, and the scars.
I keep hoping that you won't come back. I'm so sick of this feeling.
But then, my phone rings. And it's your name flashing across the screen.."
I'm sure many of us can surely relate even though you said this didn't happen!
good job bree i love it 5-5

Title - Amazing. I loved the longer version of it. [The actual title] :]

"My tears fall like the rain falls during an insane thunderstorm."
`I loved the comparison here, using like. It was a great simile.

"I stare out my window, and I see swaying trees, and fallen limbs.
The wind is doing the same to the earth what your words did to me."
`I loved this. It was so vivid in my mind. You relate these swaying trees and fallen limbs to what these person's words did to you. I can only imagine, it made a big impact on you.

"Things are scattered; paper, empty soda cans, bottles -- everything."
`Thanks for such great imagery. It really helps picture what you are picturing.

"Even my heart -- but it's not outside in the storm -- it's under your shoes."
`Woah! I loved this, hun. Wowww.

"I've felt this painful sting before, but it hurt so much more tonight."
`I loved how you described it as a painful sting, uniquely said to say the least.

"But then, my phone rings. And it's your name flashing across the screen.."
`What a ending! Wow. I wonder what happens after this guy calls you. Sounds like maybe you could add more to this poem or maybe make another one saying what happens? That would be interesting to read nonetheless. You have already captured my attention. Amazing write.

:] 5/5

"So many things went through my head as you were screaming.
I'm reminded of what you said when I look at the bruises, and the scars.
I keep hoping that you won't come back. I'm so sick of this feeling.
But then, my phone rings. And it's your name flashing across the screen.."

wow. i really like the last line. its leaves me thinking.

the stanza above is awesome. cool. keep it up.

mike

The full name of your poem is brillaint i havnt heard one like it beofre on here =] very original!
As for the poem itself its great, the story within the piece creates a gloomy atmosphere, every stanza is filled with such saddness im very glad you dont actually feel this way!!
Brilliant job 5/5

First Stanza-I don't feel the need for another fall after rain. You've already said your tears are falling.It would sound better if it went something like "my tears fall like the rain". but that's just me.

Second Stanza-The only correction I could possible make woulb be possible adding a 'the' before swaying? In my opinion it sounds alot better. Other than that I like the sceond stanza very well.

Third Stanza-This is my personal favorite stanza in this poem. Absolutely nothign wrong with it at all.

Fourth Stanza-Perfect ending.

This was a sad piece. But it's like I felt your words dance across my screem

5/5

Every single poem you write is incredible, keep up the good work lol. You're some sort of poem machine haha :]

great poem, very enjoyable read.

5/5

Acidently clicked the comment button so didn't get to finish comment, My favorite stanza:

The wind is blowing right outside my door, and it sounds like your words.
I've felt this painful sting before, but it hurt so much more tonight.
I've let it go before, but why? I could've saved myself from this pain.
The sirens blare, like the engine revved from your car as you left.

So many times i've felt exactly this, but i don't know if i want to or not. Your poem reminded me a lot of bout certain things, thanks though :] going on my favs.

I am one for honesty, i enjoyed the poem, full of exciting visions and expressions. However, i feel will be an excellent poem after some drafting. changing a few words, thining a few lines.
Example would be:
My tears fall like the rain falls during an insane thunderstorm.
Two uses of the word fall in one line made it very difficult to flow in my head (probably just my weakness :p).
Good to see you pushing the boundaries, keep it going, and keep the imagination flowing.

I can definately relate to this piece as well and to be honest anybody who has been in love should. We often tell ourselves were fed up and we can't take it anymore so were just going to leave, the only problem is we can't bring ourselves to walk away. Love is the greatest worst feeling in the world...haha I think I just found myself a new quote ;) nice job 5/5 GG23