The emotion in this is really good, monique..<3

I wasn't sure if I liked it or not after I first read it.. but I think it has some real potential. I love the "Daddy, Daddy" thing. It almost reminds me of a song.. or a desperate cry for help. It's kind of maddening in a weird.. graceful way. I think it could definitely use some depth though. It's just a little too simple right now. I really want to see into the mind of the person crying out for help. I want to feel like I'm them and know exactly how they feel.

It could also use some serious punctuation, but that's easily fixed. Just a few comma's and periods, nothing too drastic. Punctuation just helps out with the flow, like know when to pause and take a breath. "daddy daddy why wont you rescue me??!!" <----- That just needs one question mark. Let your words create the emotion and desprate pleading, not the punctuation. Do you get what I'm saying?

Like I said before this has a lot of potential, just needs a little work, and it'll be amazing. :]

Hope I helped in some way.

Keep writing!

.||CAYYCE||.