Comments : When the Wind Blows

  • 16 years ago

    by StandStill

    I see we're using nursery rhymes....

    It's amazing how you feel so little
    12 lines swirling in your head
    They can bother you so badly
    That you feel like you're dead

    ^^ try adding an extra beat to the last line. if you can't figure it out, lemme know and i'll help you.

    They can make you feel unwanted
    They can make you feel unloved
    They can make you cry yourself to sleep
    Just 12 lines you're thinking of

    ^^ i love the repetition..

    All your mixed emotions and your problems
    That she swore were all untrue
    Explode with fire from this black box
    They came back here to burn you

    ^^ get rid of two beats from the first line. that's why it's off...and then add a beat to the last line..maybe "They came back here to burn with you".

    All your mixed emotions and your issues
    Have the power to make you feel so small
    When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
    When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

    ^^ first line's off again....especially when u read it with the whole poem. just take away the "and issues"..

    Crash and burn to the ground
    Poet, and all

    ^^ wow, don't we all feel that way..

    jesse, i really do like this. you were right and the flow was off in a few places, but the meaning's great...