Memories just linger and don"t seem to go away. Why can"t I be happier? Today's a brand new day. The confusion I'm feeling now won't disappear over night, but someway, somehow, everything will be alright.
That quote is one that I can relate to fairly well. It will be what 3 months on the 27 that date had two meanings to me it marks the begging and they end of are relationship. That day use to be happy felled with promise are anniversary a time and reason to go out of my way to buy nice things and surprise the women I loved with them with the promise of a kiss and hug and the pleasure of hearing the words I love you one more time. Know I'm constantly being smothered with these memories of the past a time wan I was truly happy and content a time wan nothing match matters nothing but the love I felt for the women I loved. That love remains but my feelings don't I can only really comprehend the pain she caused me thinking of her is being reminded of that pain and that pain kept me depressed for over 2 months. I don't know now I'm empty my feelings have all been destroyed one way are another she brought them out in me and thus removed them to some point upon her leaving. The thing that hurt me the most is aside from the little fight we had things were fine I was happy then to here that she doesn't love me for me that she cant love me as I do her and fell into the temptations I have always fault off for her. I'm mumbling I�m not trying to make since to any one but myself its just my way of coping I guess all I do know is think with no emotion no real desire for anything in this life I have nothing but my thoughts and my music that helps me think not all the smiles I put on are for happiness most are for show its not that I'm angry are sad its that that emotion is almost gone and my heart is covered over with a layer of ice 2 months thick a sheet my friends cant penetrate with out grate effort my only point in life is manly to keep those friends of mine from my fate keep them happy for life and full of it even closer friends aren't very close to me any more every ones at a distance not even my closest friends like my fellow musketeers are all that close right know. Its more less I cant remember how to love how to truly care maybe its my souls only defiance against the pain I felt before all I no is the thought of losing any one of my friends is not as bad as it was in the past thus I must be distancing my self on some level. Does this even make since to you the reader of this free write a little peace of my soul I'm trying to translate to paper. a little peace of the kagai well for those of you that doe not know what that means one of its translation is chaos guess you learned one thing at least reading this paper with no real value no real reason for assisting other then to pass along and ask some one if they can tell me what this means even I don't truly know I'm just righting a few things I cant get out of my head.
