OMG,what a beautiful poem,it was really amazing and wondeful.Wow,you are so talented in writing dark poems.

well done 5\5...

A great piece of work from you both :)

A dark haired beauty of tender years
Is touched by evil and kindles fears
A malignant force runs through her veins
A soulless shell as blood she rains
Fair servant girls she does enslave
Tortured and bleed in ways depraved
^^
This is a great description of this dark demon. She is deceiving and a strong domineering character. Her beauty allures the innocent to their deaths.

I like the way you use the word, 'malignant' to describe her evilness, her very cancerous essence coursing through her.

In her huge castle of broken mirrors,
Where screams are concealed in it's terror,
Her accursed desire stirs everyday.
As drinking blood lets her outstay.
Old skin renewed in the bloody baths.
The innocent saturated by her wrath.
^^
Mirrors cannot reflect the un-dead that lives, so they are broken so they do not reveal her secret.
This clearly defines her as a vampir(ish), type monster. A demon who requires the blood and flesh of others to survive, craves it like a junkie.

Teeth rip and tear as flesh she devours
650 died to engorge youthful powers
Buckets of blood ran across her floor
Like waves lapping against evil's shore
Wickedness built its roots in the air
Forsaken, by her deeds, was the snare,
^^
I don't know this story, but your research has injected the necessary facts. I also love the blood references - like waves lapping.. good image, imagine all that blood?
The last line suggest the hunter becoming the hunted.great suspense.

To be forever the darkness bride,
No matter how hard she had tried
Hate blocked her way to forgiveness
Surrounded by bloody madness
When girls she picked from nobility
Authorities approached with hostility
^^
Turmoil within the twisted mind causes blindness through glasses of hate.
This blood sucking tale is etched with sadness right through to its conclusion.
The question is this: Did she deliberately choose those noble girls, knowing the outcome? Maybe she wanted to end her inner turmoil? Does evil have a conscience?

Well done on a great-collaborated piece.

Michael

Dude love your poem awsome (^_^) keep up the wonderful work (^_^) 5/5

Very emotional and powerful poem good job you two

What a nice collab =]
I really loved the last part the most, even though its so dark (the whole poem), you too have managed to do it really well !!!

Buckets of blood ran across her floor
Like waves lapping against evils shore

I loved this part so much !!
guys you're talented, you've a gift =]
Rock on !!!

Definantly my type of poem, vampyres are my passion. while the bulk of the poem flowed, there were a few slightly disjointed pieces that limited the impact marginally. overall though, one of the best vampyric poems ive read in ages. exellent

I commented to Tj that I loved this poem. Just wanted to say great job by you as well. Perfect desriptive words of the Dark Queen.

This poem has widened my horizons of the meaning of dark and intriguing. It is a very intertwining piece of literature that I continue to marvel over.

Once again wonderful love it yay! 5/5

OH!! Away from how amazing, dark, and magnificant this peice is, the way the it flows is quite impressive, you can't tell who wrote wut but you can feel the influence of each of you 2.

Impressive