Comments : Pocket Full Of Dreams

  • 16 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Tammie I will comment as i read so bear with me :)

    I keep things in my pocket that no one will see,
    ^^
    Mystery from the onset, I love it, it makes you want to grab the screen and pull in nearer so you don't miss a single word *smiles*

    Trapped there in darkness left for only me.
    I tried to show someone once but I found it too hard,
    Until I lost my weakness in their playing cards.
    ^^
    Ahh, a metaphor...I like these! A heart maybe? Not any heart though, the most precious of all - yours! Playing cards could be a reference to a player maybe, a kind of womaniser? A great first stanza - I want more!

    I forgot about the words that I keep in my mouth,
    They choke me sometimes, but always head south,
    ^^Stiffled words injested instead of released to those they are meant for. This feels like swallowing a stomach full of putrid food. Emotions eating away like acid from the inside.

    Brewing away just to come up again eventually,
    To ruin my pact with my mind and its confidentiality.
    ^^
    Brewing is such a great description, the longer it remains the stronger its potency. It is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Again great discription, minds confidentiality - un-said words as yet unheard..

    The clock runs slower when I'm in the shower,
    Then it seems like the world is mine for an hour.
    Inconceivable memories float up with the steam,
    And my mind watches the mirror fog up in a dream.
    ^^WOW!!! This is so wonderful, the imagery that you create is so real. Time in slow motion. I can imagine you standing there just reliving conversations and moments, compounding the awful way that you feel....
    ..Likening your thoughts to the rising steam (Genius)

    I keep things in my pocket that no one will see,
    I swap them each day for a new memory,
    And as the jeans get older, so do the days,
    That used to pass easier than this miserable phase.
    ^^ Ahh, I finally see it now! Your pocket symbolises your inner-self where you lock the pain away, slowly dealing with it, replacing it when its power has lessened with the passage of time.

    Well done Tammie, this was a pleasure to read and comment on. :)

    Michael

  • 16 years ago

    by ether

    I'm not so content with the last line. It sort of fizzles the poem which doesn't really suit it.

    But I love the beginning. Mystery is always entertaining.

    Now, most of this poem I love except for some of the rhymes which seem a bit fourced.

    Other than that, it had great flow but the thing that stood out the most was the meaning. It was ah-mazing. Love it all. And I also love how if you changed a few of the words you could totally change the mood of the poem. Very versatile.

    Great work, love. 5/5

    jess ~

    ps. I wish I could rhyme.
    pps. I LOVE YOU.

  • 16 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    Woww...this is an amazing poem..i really enjoyed reading it. :) nice write..

  • 16 years ago

    by Sourav

    Very impressive write. Title is very interesting. every stanza is strongly written. Wonderfully expressed thoughts with creative work. I loved this poem of yours. Great job!

  • 16 years ago

    by Shokry Al Qubati

    Well.. It's of the nicest poems i've ever read.. A new and unique idea of expressing one's emotions.. 5/5