Hush now

"Hush now, wipe your eyes
and ill sing to you a laullaby,
Hold you to my bosom tight
we'll stay like this all through the night."

I really liked the beginning, "hush now", it was just so comforting and sweet.

"ill" should be "I'll".

"laullaby" should be "lullaby".

"There is no monster under the bed
Im here-no need for more tears to be shed,
Ill be keep you safe from harm
mummy holds you in her arms."

Third line should read like this: "I'll keep you safe from harm". It would make more sense.

"I simply wish you could see me
and i could take back that last memory,
Of that stupid, shameful fight
and how i didnt tuck you in that night."

This is really heartbreaking, but you express your grief well.

"i" needs to be "I".

"didnt" should be "didn't".

"I left in the morning before you woke
shouts of abuse-the last words we spoke,
It was raining hard and i didnt see
that i was headed head-on into the tree."

"i" - "I".

"didnt" - "didn't".

A very emotional piece...

"I slammed my foot on the break too late
i wouldn't accept that this was my fate,
The impact was hard but it ended quick
my heart rolling over in one final "tick"."

Don't feel the need for the " " on "tick".

"i" - "I".

What really strikes the reader here is the very thought of leaving the house after a fight and then having that on your mind 'til your last moment.

"We didn't get to say goodbye
oh how i hated to see you cry,
You blamed yourself and you couldn't see
that the only one at fault was me."

"i" - "I".

"I think of the last words I said
and i am filled with guilt and dread,
I wish you could see, and hear me too
so i coud say afew things that are long over-due."

"afew" should be "a few".

"i" should be "I".

I liked the over-due part though..

"I'm proud of everything youve done
and the beautiful young woman you've beome,
I'll always be watching-always be here
theres no need to cry-nothing to fear."

"youve" should be "you've".

"theres" should be "there's".

"Live for the future, not fir the past
just promise you'll let the good memories last,
Nothing I said the othr night was true
I always have and will love you."

"fir" should be "for".

"othr" should be "other".

A very touching stanza that portrays such a message to all.

"Hush now, wipe your eyes
and ill sing to you a lullaby,
hold you to my bosom tight
we'll stay like this, all through the night."

I love the repetition here, it was used well.

Overall, 4/5 from me, I think you typed this up a bit too fast, there were many errors but the content was heart-grabbing, it just was flowing with feeling and passion.

God Bless you!

~MaryAnne

Very interesting poem you have here. Its so touching. The way it was written was unique - in the way you set it up and used your words. But it was very meaningful and that's what counts.

I also loved the fact that you used the first stanza as the last. It made the poem end on a great finish. And sometimes, that's a hard task. :)

Keep writing I loved this poem :) 5/5

This poem literally made me cry.

I LOVED IT.
The story, the flow, the wording. everything about this poem was perfect.

Definetly adding it to my favourites. :P

The fact that you used the starting stanza as the ending 1 to. Really brang the poem to life.

I hav never really red a more emotional poem...

I really really think this wud hav to be wuna the best poems ive red.

I wud try & help by telling you where you stuffed up.. But i cant find a single place anywhere in the entire poem.

So well down gurl, very proud of you.
*Hunny*

Loved it once again! Flowed through well with your choice of wording, and i just found that it came straight form the heart, like you can feel the intense emotion within the words. You have such talent girl! lol 5/5 xx

This was just f-en amazing..!!!! I mean why arent you up there girl?! I mean alot of people are blind to AWESOME talent like yours!!! I mean come on...this poem idc what people say was FLAWLESS with its words it used!!! The rhyming and flow just brought me to a smile but i cried because of the dedication but awesome dedication it fits so perfectly!!!! I JUST LOVE THIS POEM!!!!! =]]]!!!! Oh my...its just i cant stop crying!!! Thank you SO much for sharing this with us!!!

You deserve more than a five but i guess take it anyways =]]]

CourtneyxHolland

<3