This is good, but I think it's lacking a little something that I can't quite place. Perhaps you could expand the poem a little more, make it a little longer. I think that will give it more time to build up the emotion and meaning behind it.
Other than that, I still like it, 5/5

jess ~

I don't think it's really lacking anything I just think it could have gone on more. But I loved what I read of it and it still deserves a 5.