Wow hun. this was really new for u. but it was awsome. very detailed and everything. full of emotions, and all of it. good job.5/5
**lesthat

I must say I am quite a fan of the second stanza. :)

paint chips fall off the floor and crash on the ground-

Wait? Do you mean ceiling or wall?

lying there among all the shards of broken hearts
of people whom have failed and died in this room.

That's very good. :)

Picking up the knife that has been over-used-
and slicing my wrist as I add my share of pieces
of my broken heart to the mix of others on the floor.

XD Love it!

Five out of five and maybe even a nomination. ^_-

It's ok. Definately above decent, you had a good grasp on the difernce between over doing description and keeping it too short that it could easily pass by. A nice improvement over some of the past poems I noticed. I think you could still limit the way you write though, since we knw it's a first person poem, try and see if you could write without using the word My after using I the first time. Next, try writing the poem limiting the words and, the, etc. After that, rewrite the poem, or any poem at all, in past tense then another version in present. See which one is stronger and gets your point across with it. Your ending should be the strongest point of your poem, don't leave it as though it comes up too short, give it suspense.

"Written all over are words of depression,
that can easily make someone go insane."

-- I loved these two lines. I picture a room with someone sitting in the corner, with drawings/graffiti/whatever all over the walls. I like it a lot.

"Musty smell lingers in the air as I choke-
on the dust particles that float around freely.
Coldness coming from the wooden floor-
that creaks as I make my every step slowly-
sending chilling shockwaves through my body."

-- In the first line, I think you should say.. "Musty smells linger.." or "A musty smell lingers..". It works the way it is, but I definitely feel one those would work better.

"The longer I stay, the darkness increases.
Numbness fills my body from head to toe-
paint chips fall off the walls and crash on the ground-
lying there among all the shards of broken hearts
of people whom have failed and died in this room."

-- Wooow! This is amazing. I love this part especially. Ya know, though, in the last line, I'm not so sure if "whom" is correct here. I've actually never been sure of that word, but I just.. I don't know. Again, it works. :]

"Picking up the knife that has been over-used-
and slicing my wrist as I add my share of pieces
of my broken heart to the mix of others on the floor."

-- Wow. This is really, really good. I don't think, though, that "overused" should have a hyphen in the middle. Again, I could be wrong, but thought I'd point it out. Haha. :]

Overall; for someone who doesn't normally write this type of poetry, you did a superb job. Sure, there is always room for improvment, but I guarantee you'll get better in no time, thanks to your natural talent. A wonderful piece. Good job. Five out of five. [5/5]

``Briana

Wow. This is so different for you Temps. So depressing! I loved the imagery because I could imagine everything you described clearly in my mind and it gave me chills. I do think the opening stanza was a bit weak and didnt capture my attention but the second stanza just utterly blew me away! I could jus see the room with broken hearts it truly made me sad. You made me feel what you were expressing and that is the result of an amazing poem.

Well done.
*5/5*

Sometimes having the feelings make the poem seem more real to the reader, ive had those feelings, part of my past and something i feel so strongly about.
This was well written and well put together, a great read.
with love,
Tara-Kay

Wowwowwwwowsers
for someone that isnt feeling this at all
it sure feels like you're depressed
amazing
loved the imagery
it felt like i was just standing right next to ya
excellent poem hun
5/5

Wow, you're good at writing feelings you've never felt before.

I really loved how it flowed but not velvety. It seemed to keep a steady, subtle beat. I love the words you chose. They were great. "Shockwaves" was one that I've never ever seen in a poem before, but it fit in perfectly here.

Excellent write.

-mo-

Although you dont know where this poem cam from ,
i cna easly relate to it some of my 500 reason to die

when i close my etyes, i se your words in front of me like i am living them

great work
althought it need more rhyming