Closing my eyes from the numbness I feel.
As my body shakes your body's appeal.
I'm not doing this because I want you.
I am doing it because I have nothing else to.
Looking at you with a drink in my hand.
I say it's not horrible so a sip you demand.
I refuse because I know what I put in it.
And the numbness will be justified in about a minute.
Sitting on the back deck lighter in palm.
Sucking in the fumes as though it were balm.
Clenching my fists trying to refuse it to myself.
Because all I have left is what is my health.
You have all left me in the cruel harsh place.
So now I have to make something of this space.
You couldn't take my nervous addictions.
Or when I'd tell you about my predictions.
You left me in a cold dark corridor.
A place where emotions are no more.
I sing myself a lullaby.
And tell myself it's okay to cry.
Holding back with my nervous addictions.
Quieting your constant petitions.
If you had helped I wouldn't be here all alone.
I would of been fine if you'd just pick up a phone.
But I'm left here with me and my nervous addictions.
While you all play hero's and go on your missions.
So I sit back and try to sleep some.
And once more I'll feel numb.
