Free

by Aish   Aug 20, 2008


She shuts the door, puts the car in gear
Shes on her way home, there nothing to fear
Her chaaks are rosy, her eyes glinting bright
After so long in darkness, she now sees the light

She lets down the roof, to feel the air
The crisp Autumn breeze blowing her hair
She starts to laugh and it rings in her ears
She realises she hasn't laughed in years

She turns on the radio and starts to sing
Her voice is changed-a new, sweet thing
She cries with relief, hope and joy
Shes back on track after a 2 year decoy

She hopes that the bruises and mem'ries will fade
She's already stareted to feel less afraid
Because for the first time, this escapee
is on her home straight, and truly is free.

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  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "She shuts the door, puts the car in gear
    Shes on her way home, there nothing to fear
    Her chaaks are rosy, her eyes glinting bright
    After so long in darkness, she now sees the light"

    "shes" should be "she"s.

    "there" should be "there's".

    "chaaks" should be "cheeks".

    "She lets down the roof, to feel the air
    The crisp Autumn breeze blowing her hair
    She starts to laugh and it rings in her ears
    She realises she hasn't laughed in years"

    The repeat of "laughed" so close to the first "laugh" kind of threw me off, maybe use a synonym? Great flow here though, love the descriptions portrayed.

    "She turns on the radio and starts to sing
    Her voice is changed-a new, sweet thing
    She cries with relief, hope and joy
    Shes back on track after a 2 year decoy"

    "shes" should be "she's". The wording here is fabulous, I can cleary picture this in my head, everything going on, a life renewed basically.

    "She hopes that the bruises and mem'ries will fade
    She's already stareted to feel less afraid
    Because for the first time, this escapee
    is on her home straight, and truly is free. "

    "mem'ries" should be "memories".

    "stareted" should be "started".

    Overall, 4/5 from me. I believe you post too fast, there were many common errors and my suggestion would be to slow down and then your poems would greatly improve. The content itseflt was inspiring and touching to many who feel the need to be free.

    Well-put and a joy to read.

    Take care and God bless!

    ~MaryAnne

  • 16 years ago

    by rich sanchez

    Lol nice! very decriptive u put me right into the poem as if i were the passenger in her car right next to her :-)