Excellent. i voted ya into the weekly contest

Thnx neo, :] ur sweet

I am really troubled you did not you use big letters even in such words like "I" and you did not begin even any begin of stanza with big letter... I am no grammar expert but I think you got my point? If English would be my mother language I would make some effort...at least I would TRY.

Too many times words "when", "you".Too much repeating is no good.

I missed somehow the point of poem but anyways it is always good to write out what is on your head..

Keep on writing..

Make some effort...at least I would TRY
-aww ok, but i did try....
:[
well, ill take your suggestions, thnx for the comment