I haven't been able to get on here lately... I've been living at the barn this whole summer. I'm sure since I haven't written in so long you wont see this but it's worth a shot....
I'm really glad that everything is over... kinda. I'm glad that the uncertainty of what's gonna happen is gone for the most part; I know that was really bothering you... it was really bothering me.
I'm not gonna lie... the trial really upset me. I can't express how much it hurt to be close to you for the first time in almost a year and your aura was a strong feeling of hate and disgrace. It felt like you regret every moment we were anywhere near each other... like you just want me to disappear into the past... like you didn't care whether I was dead or alive.. abused or not..
I think the worst part was when the judge said you wanted a "no contact" order and you nodded your head so shamelessly dramatic. It literally felt like someone punched me in the stomach so hard I was about to puke. Seeing you do that was more painful to me than anything that happened to me in my life... aside from knowing how much I've f**ked up your life. That one jesture was like a slap in the face that said, "Get out of my life and never come back. I want nothing to do with you."
